*The Worst App Developer Award* Candidate: xhumans

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[...While I wait for Apple to fix my very simple iTunes Store problem, now entering day #14...]

Introduction: I'm not interested in a libel suit. But I have to say there are some very shady developers at the iTunes App Store. Today I ran into one astounding developer I have to share. Judging from everything I have seen about these guys, they are my candidate for The Worst App Developer, the makers of 'Chatroulette! ~2.0':

xhumans

eMail address to contact them:

staff@xhumans.com

How to find ALL their Apps at the iTunes App Store:

• Search for 'xhumans' inside the iTunes Store

-OR-

• Follow this link:

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewArtist?id=304320852

Why am I picking on xhumans?

The main reasons I consider them a candidate for "the worst app developer" are the remarkably consistent one star reviews they receive for their various apps. I've provided several at the end of the article for your amusement. Here are a few one star user reviews from one of xhumans' more poplar apps, NarutoTube costing $2.99. These reviews are in chronological order from the past year:

Don't download you will only get a blank red screen
by Dvcyr - Version 3.0 - Apr 28, 2010
If you buy this app you will not be happy. It's a blank red screen. No videos to watch. No upgrade to fix the problem.

This app suks balls
by J krazy - Version 3.0 - May 11, 2010
Yea good job making a app that doesn't work douche bags...

Videos never change
by Obamaslama spaceburrito - Version 3.0 - Jan 22, 2011
U find these videos on u tube n there's only 4 vids it's a scam

According to the iTunes App Store, xhumans have 847 Apps. Most of them have bad reviews, but not all of them. I did find a few apps where a third of its reviews were positive, hovering between three stars and 2.5 stars. The developer claims that their 'TubeWorks' series of apps has an award winning interface. From the graphics, I would guess that xhumans won the 'Double Tap Grand Prize' in the 'Mobile Video Awards category'. Apparently not all of their apps FAIL.

Most xhumans apps are offered within a few categories. Let's visit the most prolific category:

THE TUBEWORKS APPS

If you read descriptions of the TubeWorks, Apps they are nearly all identical. However, each description contains one unique word, the name of the 'Tube'. Here is a general transcription. I use '[ ]' in place of the each app's tube name:

[ ]Tube - best [ ] videos!!

Description

Kick back and watch some of the best [ ] videos on the App store.

[ ]Tube is the premier place for [ ] videos. We hope you like it!

We hang out in the chat room a lot... Drop in and let us know if you need any help with anything or you just want to chat. [chill.]

Also, follow us on twitter to see what we're up to:
twitter.com/xhumans

Features:
- enjoy a spectacular selection of [ ] videos
- suggest your favorite videos to [ ]Tube and make [ ] history
- chat with other [ ] fans
- TubeWorks' award-winning interface
- exceptional application graphics and professional sound production

download now if you're a real [ ] fan!

NOTE: A Wi-Fi connection is required to watch videos.

The graphics on the TubeWorks pages are nearly all identical as well. The result is a profound sense of the generic.

Then there are the scattershot names. Here are my favorites:

SodiumTube

HeliumTube

UndertakerTube

NymphTube

MothTube

CougarTube

ToadTube

ArmadilloTube

WeaselTube

CERNTube

GPSTube

PHPTube

CandleTube

BadmintonTube

SleepTube

OldTube

TubeTube

When you apply these names into the xhumans generic description you get lines like this:

Kick back and watch some of the best sodium videos on the App store.

UndertakerTube is the premier place for undertaker videos. We hope you like it!

Tube is the premier place for nymph videos.

 - suggest your favorite videos to OldTube and make old history

- chat with other weasel fans

download now if you're a real sleep fan!

... The dangers of lazy marketing. In all fairness I must state my pleasure at finding they do not offer JarJarTube, CelebrexTube, or CelebrityRehabTube, indicated a molecule of taste.

MORE APP CATEGORIES

Fans of [ ]: Designed for fans of such things as Drinking, Sloths, Rumpelstiltskin, Badminton, Bunnies, Crows, Gophers, and of course Sodium.

iCodes for [ ]: For those who seeking input codes for games such as Girl Wars and Epic Pet Wars.

THE ODD PRICES:

You can either have:

1960sTube for $0.99

-OR-

1960Tube for $1.99 

Your choice!

Then there's this gem:

 ChearleadingTube @$2.99

(0_o)

THE LEGENDARY BARGAIN 

I've saved the best xhumans app for last! Its name is 'A5000•HD Radio by Gatsby'. The cost is $59.99. That is not a typo. Here are a few lines from its description:

A magnificent radio with the finest music for your iPhone. A radio made for the few. You know who you are. You lead a life of privilege and luxury. It is your way. You are one of the elite. One of the chosen, the few. In a world of commonality, you soar high above the crowd in your private jet. You relax on your private beach far from the masses, your magnificent yacht anchored just offshore. A bevy of impeccable sports cars await you at your estates around the world. The world's most beautiful people obey your every command. Because this is who you are. Now. Leave the others far behind. Make your mark. Own a legendary radio that defies the expected. Download the radio that others only dream of. Yes, you deserve the best. Gatsby. Find Luxury Radio.

Here is what you get for $59.99, you impeccably privileged person you!

=======ABOUT THE RADIO=======

12 High Definition Digital Streaming Stations - featuring Gatsby approved content.

12 International audio experts - our panel of exceptional judges.

A team of renowned software developers.

==============================

Gatsby

Paris London New York Los Angeles Tokyo

Before you buy your luxurious 12 station Gatsby radio, I have a stunningly elegant bridge in Brooklyn I'm willing to part with for a mere pittance of its true aesthetic worth...

Needless to say there are no reviews at the iTunes App Store for the A5000•HD Radio by Gatsby, inferring perhaps that no one has yet purchased it. I wonder why?

FINALE

As promised, here are further one star xhumans app reviews. These are all 100% real, direct from the iTunes App Store:

AirTube:

Waste of $

by twilight0900000 - Version 3.0 - May 29, 2010

Don't buy it because when I opened it. Blank screen and freezed my iPod. It's a virus

PokemonTube:

It don't work

by Macoleny - Version 3.0 - Jun 8, 2010

u get 1 star for takeing my money

WTF

by B-rad-g Indiana rox - Version 3.0 - Aug 21, 2010

I paid for this app and nothing happened

RunescapeTube:

Weak sauce
by 80s Nut - Version 3.0 - Mar 2, 2010
Good idea but it doesn't work it just crashes

doesn't work

by lalfjhrhjhdjhdhdhsh - Version 3.0 - Mar 30, 2010

I try to open the app but all I get is a red screen with a black bar on top

this is stupid I want my dollar back lol

Don't buy

by Bbdbsdjdi - Version 3.0 - Apr 23, 2010

I want my money back it won't work do NOT buy this app

Horrible App

by Crusada - Version 3.0 - May 4, 2010

The videos have NEVER been updated and the chat is always empty. Waste of a dollar.

BollywoodTube:

Rename it to Bollywood porn hub!!!

by Anonr - Version 9.0 - Aug 10, 2010

My gosh, I was hoping to catch some movies this app, but it's useful, it has snippets of adult rated porn!!! The makers should not mislead users like this. The description doesn't even say anything about the content.

Chatroulette! ~ 2.0:

Don't get this app!

by Britatit - Version 2.0 - Apr 8, 2010

I'm glad I wastes my money on staring at a white screen, yup cool. Needs an update asap.

White screen

by Fun dude - Version 2.0 - May 14, 2010

Loaded toched the screen and still nothing

Bull

by Sulio - Version 2.0 - Nov 10, 2010

How can you just take away the pictures. It' like all of a sudden no pics and no users. When people purchase something they generally want what they paid for.

ScaryTube:

Major bug

by Christian Duncan - Version 9.0 - Feb 15, 2010

It keeps quitting on my... Don't wast ur money

iCodes for Racing Live:

This app is garbage

by Sikmade - Version 2.0 - Nov 13, 2009

All it does is give u codes from a website.... When u add ur code u don't get any invites!! Wish I could get my dollar back but at least it's only a dollar! Don't waste ur time buying it....
Read the reviews cuz one review gives the website to go to for all the codes.. Add me though 21S1U

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A finalé word to the 'team of renowned software developers' at xhumans: You have got to be kidding guys. Keep it up and I venture you'll get yourselves 'expelled' from the App Store.

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